Funny Movie Quotes Haircut the Bangs
Here's looking at you, quip! These are the funny movie quotes to go ahead and make your day, punk. Lol!
Laugh it up, Fuzzball
Harrison Ford delivers more than one of the funny movie quotes on our list, including the Fuzzball dig he shoots at the giggling Chewbacca. Great movie lines are sometimes bigger and more popular than the movies they first turned up in. Yes, you're going to need a bigger boat for this list of great zingers and punchlines to use on your friends or laugh at one more time. Here are the great comebacks, burns, catchphrases, wisecracks, and one-liners spanning from contemporary movies to Hollywood classics. If you're in the mood for a movie line love fest here are 46 quotes from your favorite movies and TV shows. The best lines make you laugh, cry, or just feel nostalgic, so revel away with these 50 most famous movie quotes of all time.
When Harry Met Sally
"I'll have what she's having."
Look to iconic romantic comedies for funny movie quotes that'll get you chuckling every time you hear them. Estelle Reiner, director Rob Reiner's mom, actually delivered this side-splitting line after Meg Ryan, as Sally, effectively proves to Harry (Billy Crystal) that he doesn't understand women as well as he thinks he does. Looking for a little more romance? Check out the 50 best romantic movies of all time.
The Empire Strikes Back
"I know."
The inimitable Carrie Fisher as Leia tells Harrison Ford's Han Solo she loves him. The princess throws out "I love you" just as the non-committal rogue descends into carbonite. He lobs back the ultimate wisecrack, and it's funny and heartbreaking at once. Are you a Star Wars superfan? Don't miss these Star Wars' quotes.
Crazy Rich Asians
"These people are so posh and snobby, they're snoshy."
Funny movie quotes abound in this hit rom-com about a Chinese American woman who accompanies her boyfriend to Singapore for a family wedding and discovers he's basically sought-after super-rich royalty. Constance Wu plays the heroine with Awkafina as the bestie giving her advice on how to dress and act around the elite family who is definitely about to judge everything about her. Crazy Rich Asians features glorious, high-key weddings that go extra. If you love bride-worthy epics, check out the 12 best movies about weddings.
Some Like it Hot
"Well, nobody's perfect."
In Billy Wilder's witty, gender-bender, Jack Lemmon plays a musician who poses as a woman to thwart the mobsters on his tail. He's pursued throughout by a millionaire and when he finally gives up the ruse the tycoon Osgood, delivers a rejoinder that offers a progressive quip at the moment the two flee conventional society. Put watching funny flicks on your bucket list and here are the top 100 funniest movies ever to get you started.
Friday
"Bye, Felicia"
Ice Cube, as anti-stoner Craig, utters "Bye, Felicia," with a casual, deadpan zing—he doesn't even give his annoying neighbor, Felicia, a chance to ask for favors before he cuts her off and sends her on her way. The line from 1995's Friday went on to become a popular, now-ubiquitous catchphrase used to dismiss annoyance and shut down a conversation. Time for some 1990s nostalgia! Here are 56 things everyone had in their house in the 1990s.
Dazed and Confused
"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."
Matthew McConaughey delivers one of the most enduring funny movie quotes as the adult stoner, Wooderson, who hobnobs with high schoolers in the 1970s nostalgia comedy Dazed and Confused. While War's song "Low Rider" rolls in the background, Wooderson picks up a freshman boy, asks him for a joint, and when he discovers the kid doesn't have one, out rolls the now-famous catchphrase. Dazed and Confused features a soundtrack that will take you back. Here are 12 more movie soundtracks that all-time epics.
A Fish Called Wanda
"Oh right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people…I've worn dresses with higher IQs."
Kevin Kline plays Otto, an imbecilic criminal who hates to have his stupidity pointed out to him, and always tells his girlfriend, Wanda, (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Don't call me stupid." But Wanda always does and with good reason as the two have tête-à -tête, featuring a wit and an "ape." An ape who reads philosophy—not that he understands it! Check out the movies that have hilarious titles in other countries.
Moonstruck
"Snap out of it!"
Cher plays Loretta, a bride-to-be who accidentally falls for the brother of her intended. When the lovestruck bro (Nicolas Cage) tells Loretta, "I'm in love with you," she delivers the famous line after two hard slaps across the face to drive the point home. Moonstruck premiered in 1987—feels like yesterday. Here are 12 more 1980s classics movies to give you some totally tubular yesteryear feels.
Girls Trip
"Look like a bedazzler threw up on that thing . . . donate it to the My Little Pony Motorcycle club."
Tiffany Haddish shines as Dina in this comedy about four forty-something ride-or-die college friends who go on a girls' trip and get a little rowdy. At the airport Lisa (Jada Pinkett Smith) presents embellished retro jean vests she made for her squad and Dina keeps it real. Girls Trip travels to New Orleans, and here are the most iconic movies set in each state so you can take a cinematic road trip from your very own couch.
Bridget Jones's Diary
"Oh, I don't know. I suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales."
A smug-married couple teases Bridget, the quintessential single, funny, and lovable "spinster," and ask her why so many like her are unwed. Renee Zellweger as Bridget delivers the line with her signature wry and dry wit and yes, Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth) takes note across the stuffy dinner party table. This hit comedy was adapted from Helen Fielding's bestselling novel. Check out 18 more hit movies that were popular books first.
Pretty Woman
"Big Mistake. Big. Huge."
It's payback and comeback line time in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts as Vivian revisits the chichi Beverly Hills boutique and delivers this line to the snooty saleswoman who previously turned her away. She's dressed in designer digs and laden in shopping bags and the snobs lost a big commission. Huge.
Spinal Tap
"The numbers all go to eleven."
Christopher Guest, an auteur of hilarious mockumentaries like Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show, stars as Nigel, the hard rocker whose amp knobs don't stop at ten. They're one notch louder as he explains to Rob Reiner who plays the fictional documentarian following the legendary metal band "Spinal Tap."
Ghostbusters
"He slimed me."
Bill Murray utters the clever one-liner as scientist Peter Venkman in this classic comedy about paranormal wisecrackers saving the big city from monsters. Venkman squirms like a capsized insect after the close encounter with the computer-animated, crass, potato-esque ghost.
Airplane
"I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
Leslie Nielsen perfects his deadpan, serious guy routine in the hit comedy Airplane. The series lampoons 70s-era disaster flicks while bouncing from gag to gag with comical glee. Airplane goes for slapstick and absurdity, but word puns also play for laughs as when Nielsen as Dr. Rumack responds to "surely, you can't be serious," with this silly, but chuckle-worthy retort.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"Bueller . . . Bueller . . . Bueller . . . Bueller?"
Ben Stein's epic wooden delivery of taking attendance captures the almost existential ennui of the high school classroom experience. Matthew Broderick plays the iconic high schooler who skips class and gets the audience rooting for any and all similar escapees. Your kids just might get inspired by the plot. Here are 16 more funny family movies to schedule for movie night.
Home Alone
"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
The infamous child left home alone, Macaulay Culkin as Kevin, in Home Alone, shows legendary ingenuity when he uses the pause and fast forward buttons on his VCR to freak out a pizza delivery guy. He's blasting the dialogue from a fictional, old-timey gangster movie to the deliverer just outside the door who first hears leave it on the doorstep and finally has to tear away to a barrage of bullets after being told his guts will be pumped full of lead. Quiz time! How many of these top Christmas movies for kids have you seen?
There's Something About Mary
"How the hell did you get the beans above the frank?"
Keith David plays the dad sent into the bathroom to check on his daughter's prom date in the raucous comedy There's Something About Mary. Ben Stiller plays the hapless teenager who accidentally zips up his pants in such a way as to ensnare body parts within the usually smooth-moving, enclosing apparatus.
The Birdcage
"Try more gum!"
Nathan Lane emits comic dazzle as Albert the stage diva partnered with Armand (Robin Williams) in this uproarious comedy about being true to yourself in the face of conservative stodginess and hypocrisy. Armand gives stage direction to a subdued, gum-chewing dancer who claims the gum helps him think. Williams performs a great riff on dance style, but the guy says he doesn't get it. Albert tosses the gum zinger in a comedy filled with great set-ups and funny movie quotes. The funny, happy ending is one of the best. Here are 11 more movies with the best happy endings when you need a little uplift.
Meet the Parents
"I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"
Ben Stiller plays the nervous Greg, who accompanies his fiancee home to meet her parents. Robert De Niro plays her stern, impossible-to-impress father who pushes Greg into expanding on white lies about growing up on a farm and milking cats. After Greg mimes milking cats he claims you can milk anything with nipples and De Niro's dad character clarifies with further questioning.
Raising Arizona
"I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got."
Nicolas Cage plays H.I. an ex-con who can't seem to leave his criminal past behind even after he marries a police officer and becomes a parent—through kidnapping a baby. He falls back into his old ways in the hilarious scene where he pulls pantyhose over his face and robs a convenience store while his wife and child wait in the car.
Independence Day
"Welcome to earth! (*pulls out a cigar) Now that's what I call a close encounter."
Will Smith delivers this crowd-pleasing zinger after he shoots down an alien ship, parachutes to safety, then stomps to the crashed UFO and socks the slimy alien in the face. Then, Smith's fighter plane captain takes a brief repose with a celebratory cigar on top of the spacecraft. If that sounds implausible, check out these most scientifically inaccurate films of all time.
Fried Green Tomatoes
"Face it, girls. I'm older and I have more insurance."
Kathy Bates plays Evelyn, a woman who's finding her inner voice and natural strength–through a little road rage. After two younger women steal her parking space they quip that they're younger and faster. Evelyn goes full-throttle and thrashes their small convertible with her much more substantial sedan. Next, she zings them with her fearless one-liner.
Ghost
"You relax. You're the dead guy."
Whoopi Goldberg plays the psychic medium Oda Mae Brown in Ghost, a performance which won her a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. She banters with Sam (Patrick Swayze) as the titular ghost as the two go back and forth over how to communicate with Molly, played by Demi Moore, as she looks on confused as Oda Mae appears to be talking to herself.
Napoleon Dynamite
"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."
Napoleon Dynamite is flippin' funny. Jon Heder plays the miserable and adorable Midwestern high schooler with an artistic streak, a unique dance style, and a brother named Kip. After Napoleon chastises him for eating all the freakin' chips, Kip offers this rejoinder. Besides, he's training to be a cage fighter. Napoleon's dance number may put you in the mood for something a little less weird. Follow up with these 12 best dance movies of all time.
Dumb and Dumber
"So, you're telling me there's a chance!"
Jim Carrey as the hapless and idiotic Lloyd tries to find out if there's any way he'll ever end up with Mary (Lauren Holly). She gives it to him straight. He has a one in a million chance. He's excited by those odds. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. Here are the best breakup movies to help your heart with rejection. If Humphrey Bogart can say goodbye with panache, so can you.
Hairspray
"If we get any more white people in here this is gonna be a suburb."
John Travolta's in drag as Edna and when she walks into Queen Latifah's joint, who doles out the witty remark. The white kids already said they were scared to be there and Maybelle (Latifah) points out that Black people are the ones who have something to fear in this musical with themes on integration and racial equality.
Happy Gilmore
"Damned alligator just popped up, cut me down in my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though."
Adam Sandler stars as a hockey player turned golfer whose unorthodox ways ruffle the golfing community. Carl Weathers gives a brilliant comedic performance as an injured pro, Chubbs Peterson, and delivers this line to explain his prosthetic hand and even has an eyeball jar as proof. If you're a golf lover who also likes football, then settle back in for these hall-of-fame-worthy football flicks.
All About Eve
"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."
All About Eve drips with biting snark and spirited jabs. Bette Davis and Anne Baxter play warring actresses and Davis as Margo tosses martinis and wit during a cocktail party that's filled with witty repartee. Marilyn Monroe made her first major film debut and also delivers a few one-liners in this wry classic.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
"Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"
They're actually quite dangerous asps as reported by Indiana Jones's sidekick, Sallah (John Rhys-Davies). Harrison Ford plays the wisecracking adventurer in this classic hit that punctuates action with comic relief as in this scene where they're close to the ark with only Jones's number one fear standing in their way.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
"You'd never know it. They look just like new."
Marilyn Monroe quips this breathy punchline in response to hearing that heirloom diamonds have been in a family for ages. She stars with Jane Russell as Lorelei, a showgirl caught up in a diamond brouhaha on a cruise ship.
Toy Story
"You're a sad, strange little man and you have my pity."
Buzz Lightyear gives it to Woody straight after he tries to convince him he's actually a toy and not an astronaut. Tim Allen and Tom Hanks give voice to the smart-aleck toy characters in this heartwarming animated classic that's both funny and sweet. What are your favorite animated movies? Check out the 25 best cartoon films for family movie night.
The Apartment
"Shut up and deal."
Billy Wilder wrote and directed this edgy love story, boundary-pushing in its day, that offered sweetness and romance in the midst of cynicism and despair. Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine play star-crossed paramours who fall in love, but can't quite express it. In the film's final moments Lemmon's Jr. exec guy finally declares his love, and MacLaine as the spunky Miss Kubelik claps back with wit and a smile that takes the sting out.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
"The fall will probably kill ya!"
Screen idols Robert Redford and Paul Newman star as the famed outlaws on the run who deliver witty banter before the infamous cliff jump scene. Newman as Butch finally figures out why the kid doesn't want to take the leap. He can't swim—which doesn't matter since the fall will do him in.
Jaws
"You're gonna need a bigger boat."
Jaws was one of the original blockbusters, both mesmerizing and terrorizing audiences in the summer of 1975 when it first premiered. Filled with tension, Roy Scheider's line as Chief Brody cuts the suspense with comic relief after the audience's first jump scare sighting of the shark. Jaws has one of the most iconic famous lines ever. Here are 15 more famous lines that almost everyone gets wrong.
The Goodbye Girl
"You were never four and half, you were born 26."
Quinn Cummings was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar as the precocious daughter (born 26) of single mom, Paula, Marsha Mason who's ditched by her boyfriend right before they're all supposed to move to L.A. Richard Dreyfuss shows up as the man who sublets her apartment in this Neil Simon comedy filled with fast-paced witty dialogue.
Bad Boys
"You know, you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy."
Will Smith as Mike ribs his partner Marcus (Martin Lawrence) as the two patrol Miami in this high-octane thriller that uses stylized action and destruction. Director Michael Bay's first major feature film uses one-liners, a rock score, and beautifully lit cinematography to infuse this buddy cop film with humor and flair.
Happiest Season
"Yeah, I mean there's nothing more erotic than concealing your authentic selves."
Dan Levy steals his scenes as the BFF of a woman who goes home with her girlfriend for the holidays and tries to convince her parents that they're both straight. Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis play the couple and Levy is John who counsels Stewart on giving up the ruse and being true to herself.
Trading Places
"That's called the 'quart of blood' technique. Do that, a quart of blood will drop out a person's body."
In one of Eddie Murphy's early breakout roles, he plays Billy Ray Valentine in Trading Places. He impresses fellow detainees in jail by demonstrating his absurdly adorable, not-to-mention hilarious ways of combating enemies. They're outrageous, but so, so, funny—just like the rest of this comedy about giving the rich a taste of the revenge they deserve.
What We Do in the Shadows
"We're werewolves, not swear-wolves"
Jermaine Clement and Taika Waititi co-wrote, co-directed, and star in this clever, side-splitting mockumentary about vampire roommates making their way in modern times. It's now adapted into a hit TV series about supernatural beings including werewolves. In one riotous confrontation, the vampires razz werewolves by pushing all their buttons, like their code against cursing.
Best in Show
"Look at the size of that. I've taken sponge baths in smaller bowls than that."
Christopher Guest's hilarious mockumentary that lampoons dogs and the owners who love them features a funny finale sequence at an esteemed dog show where the cast convenes. Fred Willard stars as a hilarious, but out-of-bounds and totally inappropriate announcer who adds commentary in contrast to the strait-laced canine expert at his side played by Jim Piddock. Best in Show will probably get you in the mood for pooch movies. Here are 14 of the best dog movies that your little fuzzball will enjoy as well!
Christmas Vacation
"Well, I don't know what to say, except that it's Christmas and we're all in misery."
The Griswolds try to get through a family holiday amid all manner of mayhem and hilarity. Juliette Lewis is the teen daughter Audrey complaining about all the sacrifices she's making hosting relatives. Beverly D'Angelo plays her mom Ellen, who tosses off this quip with a cheerful lilt that says it all while she lights a stress cigarette.
Bridesmaids
"That, and I'll just snowball on top of that, also Fight Club. Female fight club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn't know, so it's, 'Surprise! We're gonna fight!'"
Melissa McCarthy plays Megan, the groom's sister who makes for an unconventional bridesmaid in this uproarious comedy. The woman decide on a theme for the bridal shower and after dressing up as a favorite Pixar character gets suggested, Megan snowballs forward with her hilarious idea.
Casablanca
"That is my least vulnerable spot."
Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine reminds Captain Renault (Claude Rains) that he's got a gun pointed right at his heart. The unflappable Captain quips back with this witty line that belies any vulnerability. Have you seen this Best Picture winner filled with famous one-liners? Believe it or not, it's one of ten movies that people lie most about watching.
Elf
"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don't smell like Santa."
Will Ferrell plays Buddy the Elf and in this scene, he faces the horror of an imposter department store Santa. He de-beards the guy, even as a child sits on his lap, and a chase ensues in this Christmas comedy all about true belief and the real magic of Mr. Claus and his North Pole helpers. These are more of the best Christmas movies to watch during the holiday season.
The Devil Wears Prada
"By all means move at a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me."
Meryl Streep brims with shade, sarcasm, and sinister wit as fashion magazine commander, Miranda Priestly, the quintessential nightmare boss who demands perfection. Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt play the assistants who receive verbal jabs as they try and fail to meet expectations.
Ant-Man
"I'm Ant-Man."
Only Paul Rudd could deliver the movie title as a great punchline. Rudd's comedic genius goes full-throttle as the unlikely superhero Ant-Man. The actor's signature sheepish, sweetheart persona infuses with the hapless heroics as he learns the ropes of being the ultimate good guy.
Shaun of the Dead
"Oh my God. She's so drunk."
Millennial malaise gets the zombie treatment in this comedy that upends the genre and makes monster mayhem funny. Simon Pegg plays Shaun who loses his girlfriend, grapples with his sad-sack roomie best friend, and tries to save the world. It takes a while for Shaun to realize the apocalypse has started and first he thinks the walking dead are either hungover or wasted. If Shaun's zombies are a little too slow, ramp up with the 35 scariest movies of all time.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
"Please. Have mercy. I've been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday."
Steve Martin and John Candy star as businessmen on their way home for the holidays who find themselves enduring mishap after mishap in a cross country odyssey filled with zippy one-liners, absurd set-ups, and a surprising amount of heart. In one scene, Martin's exec Neal pleads with the motel desk guy to give him a room even though he doesn't have the cash and his credit cards are still smoking from a recent fire.
The Royal Tenenbaums
"There are no teams."
Gene Hackman plays the notorious patriarch Royal in Wes Anderson's quirky family comedy. In a flashback scene, he aims a BB gun at his young son Chas who's about to be ambushed by siblings. "We're on the same team, " cries the youngster as his dad fires a scarring shot in a scene that mixes wry hilarity with pathos.
Clueless
"They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them. They're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you."
That's Alicia Silverstone as the iconic chichi highschooler Cher describing teenage boys in Clueless. Right on cue, one of them approaches, and she pushes him off with her signature catchphrase, "As if!" Get ready for Cher's trendy sense of fashion, and don't miss these 16 movies to watch just for the clothes.
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